I don't know what to say...

but I feel better than I have felt in a while.




Sweet late night hangouts... <3

Figures.

Of all nights, last night I dream about him.

It's Christmas Eve

And the only reason I find myself in a good mood at the moment, is because of conversations I had last night. Provided great smiles from me, which was nice. I came home last night from my Aunt's party, only to find out what I had thought were my plans for the evening, actually were not happening. I was pretty bummed.

But a Mr. Andrew Knox asked me to tell him a story last night, which ended up being a rough outline of my life story, with concentrations on relationships and traumatic events. I told him things not many know about, and it felt good. And he then told me stories, trusting me with information. And after sharing stories, we just kept talking.

I tell you, it was really nice to sit and talk to someone for such a long period of time, with no awkward pauses or random breaks in conversation. It was steady, for a good two hours or so.

I haven't smiled so much in one sitting in quite a while. It was great.

Friday I have the entire day and night off. Knox and I are spending my day off together. Bunch of shenanigans, no doubt. Followed by some food and a movie and more sweet hangouts. I think perhaps for the movie, I'll see if my brother would like to go, because it's his birthday. We'll see.



But I'm telling you. I'm wondering if I'm getting the run-a-round from someone.
Time will tell.




Merry Christmas folks.

...

I don't think you are aware of what you still do to me.


I wish I weren't so nervous/scared to tell you.

Christmas is almost here

I am somewhat excited, yet still not really excited for it.

I'm excited to give people their presents and see if they like them, but I dunno. Holidays have always been kind of funny for me.


Christmas Eve will be at my Grams, and after the party I will be going to my Dad's for the night. After Christmas morning at his house, I will stop by Gram's to say Merry Christmas to her and my mom, then go home to do more Christmas stuff at Lorri and Gary's that afternoon.


Perhaps seeing my bubs that night? I can only hope.



Anyways.
Things seem to be going pretty well. We talk like normal most of the time. I am comfortable being around him again. In fact, I haven't felt this comfortable around him in a while. I feel at ease when I see him, rather than a nervous wreck. There was mention of a possible going out to dinner sometime soon last week.




Let's see how things go. I won't lie, I still have a fragment of hope. I still smile like no one else has ever made me because of him.

...making a bit of progress it seems.



: ]

stolen lines of poetry

they're not my own work. But I like them. Not on a personal level, but on just a.. "it struck me in such a way.." level.

>>Watching the sunset by myself has gotten
A little easier
But I don't think its much to be proud for.


>>I wish I could detach my retinas
To show you, you through my eyes
In hopes to change your beautiful life
Like you've changed mine

Changes

Many changes coming.

I've decided that I want to go back to school, part-time. I'm applying to Blaine, the Boston location. They offer part-time hours, so hopefully I can get in and start sometime soonish.

I'm changing things within myself as well. You'll see.




[[It's worth it to me.]]

You have no idea how much I miss you.

M.

"And you stood at the door, with your hands on my waist.
And you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew...that you meant it."


That part of the last verse is so goddamn true about that very first night we hung out alone.

Camping Pictures... Finally

So it only took me.. what, two months to get these up? Oh well.

Nick and Davey trying to start a fire at 11:00 at night.

Nickie Cage, completely hammered! A rare occasion indeed!

Let the Jagerbombs begin!

Nick and Davey, drunk boys

A complete shitshow

See above caption

The next morning, all hungover

Nick harassing Davey

Laughing in disbelief?

"No way, Mike was in there touching you too Davey!"

Davey, aka the Uni-Bomber!!

Headin' home

Advertisement?

Davey was crazy on the way home..

Bodag, Take 2

Okay, so, yet another Tuesday night was spent at Scott and Shanna's doing Bodagendogg Stuff! I'll show you these photos, and TOMORROW!!! you shall see the camping and shitshow pictures. I have them, but since I have to go to work soon, I don't have time to put them up right now! But tomorrow I will! YAY!

"So this is what's happening.."

MMM, cookies

Ninja, ATTACK!

"This is what a ninja does!"

And to end the night, a good old fashioned ear-lickin'!

Playing "Catch-Up"

So I'm slowly getting around to catching up with all the photos that have been taken the past few weeks. Still haven't gotten to camping ones, I apologize. Maybe this weekend!? But these next few are from a few Sundays ago, when Mike, Tracey, Davey, Adam, and I went out for hang-over Sunday breakfast at Bickford's, and then went to the mall so Davey and Adam could buy dress clothes. This is what proceeded to happen! :

The car ride there..

Dancin' Fools!

It's the bombest bombest bombest!

The poor man's version of PhotoBooth

He has cat eyes in this.. creepy!

Sittin' around!

That's all. : ]


Also, I started work this week. Since Monday I've been there 12-7ish each day. Tomorrow I'll be there 8-4. [Ew, waking up so early on Saturday] I can't wait for Sunday, my first day off in 6 days. It shall be wonderful! I can sleep in! YAY!

I'm in the process of adding color to my hair, and my time is up. So I bid you farewell for now!

Weekend-long Celebrations!

The Betch done got herself a full-time job!

I had an interview this morning at 8am with Dependable Cleaners, and at the end of the interview, I was offered the job on the spot! It's full-time work, and I'm coming in at an ideal time- the woman recently took over this location, and wants to double the amount of work we get over the next year, so I'm coming in and growing with the company. It's awesome. And it's long-term work, filled with opportunities to go higher up on the ladder of success. I'm so stoked! I start on Monday. I'll be working Monday through Friday, 12-7. Awesome hours!


So, to celebrate, Mike and I are going out with Tracey and Dave for dinner and bowling, and some drinks of course! Lorri has provided Tracey and I with 11 Jello-Shots [yum!] and the boys might have a mini-keg from Gary tonight. The mini-keg might not be available til tomorrow night though. We'll see.

And tomorrow night I shall celebrate again! Costume party in Grafton, and I'll see Dana and Jill!



Everything is perfect now. I've got the boy<3, I've got the friends, and now I've got the job! Awesome!


...This weekend will be amazing, I can't wait!

Hooray Pictures!!

So here's a bunch of pictures from the past few weeks events. I've cut my hair, as you can see by the first few. Still haven't gotten to the camping pics, but soon, I swear.

Bodagendogg Adventures!

The Bogdagendogg Brothers get Mike worked up...

So he knocks me out : ]

Time to get serious!

What do we have here? IS THAT JAMES?!

Prop preparation.. Mike looks so happy : ]

Wii Mii

Stonybrook smiles : ]

Aw, aren't we cute. *GAG*

Ew, Kisses. Who likes those?!

Me and Nickie Cage, talkin' shit!

And the Betch comes out again!

"Aw man, I'm so hammered... I just want to go home.."

THE END!

Bleh.

So since last night I have been emotionally charged. Like, there have been a few times where I've been ready to break down and cry, over literally nothing.

Last night I was doing a lame myspace survey, and one question asked me to describe my mother in three words. And I sat there, staring at it for a good 5 minutes, unsure of what to say. I finally decided on, "I.Miss.Her."

...It took so much for me to admit that. Cause I haven't wanted to in so long. I still don't want to admit it, but I just have to before it rips me apart. She's hurt me and screwed me over so bad, and yet I still miss the fuck out of her. I just can't bring myself to see her, or try to make amends with her, because it would be setting myself up to get hurt yet again.

Last night I kept thinking about her, and each time I was ready to burst into tears.


: [

How elementary...

Do you remember back in like, 7th grade, there was always a new kid to the school? And somehow you and your friend would meet that new kid at the same time and both get along with them? Well, did it ever turn out that your friend and the new kid became pretty good friends, whereas you and the new kid weren't as good of friends? And you got a little annoyed because you wanted to be their friend, but it just wasn't happening?

...I feel like I have that 7th grade mentality right now. I feel like an idiot for having it too.

A taste of what's to come...

This past weekend was in all aspects of the word, awesome.

I won't tell you all of the details just yet, there needs to be pictures to go with it for you to fully enjoy this story.


But just let me tell you this..

Friday night ended with me sleeping between Mike and Adam, with Adam screaming "SPOON ME WOMAN!"
And Saturday night, despite some drama, was a lovely night. I was a complete shit-show. The night involved some skipping, a dance party, and other crazy events.



Just you wait.

What a devestation..

Can someone please tell me when Trix cereal decided to change the shape of their cereal?!

No longer are there different shapes for each color/"flavor" such as the banana, lime, grape, rasberry, etc.


Now they are all just little balls, like the orange one once was. [and well, still is.]



...I liked them for their shapes


How disappointing.

Rain Rain Go Away!

It has been raining basically since Sunday! What a drag! I hate the rain, and I hate it even more when it's a cold rain. It sucks! I checked the weather, it said it should clear up some time tomorrow. So I'm hoping it does! Mike and I are going to a party Adam is throwing Friday night, should be a good time. Last time, we ended up sleeping in a closet. So I'm curious to see where we end up this time. : ]

Camping! Let me tell you how it went! Well, we were on the road by 3:30mpm. We didn't arrive at the campsite til roughly 10:30pm. Basically because traffic sucked hard on 93 and 95. And we had trouble finding food too, took us about an hour. So, we set up tents in the dark, and realized we couldn't really find much firewood. So we made do with what we could find, and then kicked back to relax finally. Nick and David ended up killing a bottle of Jager between the two of them... things got a bit loud, a neighbor came over and asked us to quiet down, then ended up talking with Nick about camping and the Patriots for 20 minutes. The guy wound up talking louder than everyone else, so then he left. Like I suspected was going to happen, Dave puked up the Jager later. Actually , Mike made him otherwise he would have been a lot more sick. Then we all just crashed.

Woke up in the morning, figured out our plan for the day, and hit the road by late morning. Saw Nick's hometown, met his parents, grabbed some lunch and had a mini tour of things. Then we went to the grocery store for burgers and stuff for dinner that night before heading back to camp. Decided we needed firewood, so we went hiking over to where we could find some. As soon as we started hiking, it started to rain. How lovely. It continued to rain until the next morning. I stayed in the tent, and the boys TRIED to hang around outside. After about an hour or so, Mike came into the tent with me. We watched a movie on the Mac and took a nap for a few hours after dinner. Woke up again around 11, and not long after that Nick and Dave surrendered to the rain and went in their tent as well. They started playing alphabet games with animals, video games, movies, etc. Occasionally they would call out for our help. Being in the tent at that point was slightly miserable, because everything was getting slowly soaked. By the time we were ready to go to sleep, there was only a small section in the middle of the tent that was somewhat dry. So we curled into the fetal positions and tried to sleep. Needless to say, we didn't sleep much. We tossed and turned and were just all around uncomfortable being surrounded by wet things. We woke up before the alarm and just started packing up. We were on the road by 830ish.

It was a decent trip though, even with the rain.

I'll show you some pictures once I get around to getting them from Mike.


But now, I am going to go make some lunch, bundle up in warmer clothes, and take a nap. Gosh, I love naps.

: ]

Still no word about work. I'm waiting to see if I can retake part of a test, if I can't, I can't work there. Bummer! I just filled out an application with Old Navy though. Meh. See what happens with that.

I can't wait for tomorrow. CAMPING FOR THE WEEKEND!!! Off to VT with Mike, Davey, and Nick. I have most of my stuff packed already, I just have to pull the tent down from the attic, and put my clothes in a bag. I have been anxiously waiting for this trip for about two weeks now, I'm so glad that it's finally here.

Had dinner at Dad's last night with mike. Overall, it went really well. After dinner, we went back to Mike's house and watched Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and fell asleep to A Clockwork Orange. Waking up and actually getting out of bed this morning was a drag. We just wanted to stay in bed all day.

...I love sleeping next to this boy. I love being able to roll over in the middle of the night, and while still sleeping, instinctively get comfortable around him. I love waking up to him rubbing my back, or giving me a kiss.


I say it all the time, but I am so happy with my life right now.

And he's incredible. <3

OHBOY!

For the most part, this weekend was lovely. A few minor glitches, but that's just how things go.

I replaced Mike with Jill...


So he replaced me with Davey.

Just a short one today. So much to do, so little time! But I had to share the replacements. : ]

Yet again, TGIF

Yet again, the sigh of relief that says, "MMM...Friday" has escaped me. This week seemed to take too long, and I am looking forward to the weekend's adventures. Though I must say, the last half of last night probably set the mood for an enjoyable weekend. Mike and I ate dinner at my house, [BBQ chicken and potatoes, mmm!] and then headed over to Nick's. Just hung out, played a game of SlapJack, which I lost miserably after a whole lot of talking shit to Nick, haha. Then we headed back to Mike's, where the evening winded down with him playing guitar for a while, and singing to me. Boy, was I basically putty in his hands. I am such a sucker for a boy with an acoustic guitar, singing a song. Woke up this morning, and just knew it was going to be a good day. He was rather silly this morning, and when that happens, it will undoubtedly be an amazing day.

Tonight Jill and Dana, the biff's, are coming to visit. I am extremely excited! I don't see them nearly enough. Kelly Hayyynes is also coming home from UMass-Amherst tonight, sometime around midnight. Hopefully we will see her, if not some point before the weekend ends. Tonight's plans are somewhat up in the air still. I just know that Jill and Dana are coming to hang out with Mike, Davey, and I. Then again, when we make solid plans, they rarely actually fully come through. Something always changes. Like I said, my life is rediculous, and I like it that way.

-----

On a more serious note. Let's take down part of the wall, and be vulnerable for a moment, shall we? Little did Mike know last night that something he said to me would still be on my mind today. In the midst of some lovely, relaxing us time, he took my glasses off my face and just looked at me for a moment. Then he says to me, "I know why you wear that eye makeup." I was quiet for a moment, unsure of if he was going to continue. He just kept looking at me, so I said, "Oh yeah? Why?" and he replied with, "You can hide behind it." On a separate occasion, he once said to me, "Why on earth do you hide such pretty eyes behind these glasses?"

He's right in a sense. Like any other girl, I have my insecurities about my looks. Most of my childhood, I was not the "pretty girl." I was the smart, quiet girl with "potential." I was friends with geeks, weirdos, and the popular kids. I got along with everyone- still do. While I consider my eyes to be my best feature, I still "hide" them. I am still not one to "flaunt what I've got." I have been told on many occasion that I look better with contacts- I still wear glasses though. I still have the child inside of me saying, "You're not as pretty as that one, why bother?"

Silly, I know. But true in a sense.

Don't get me wrong. I don't get scared that someone prettier will come along and "steal my man." I just get worried I guess to make it more noticeable to everyone.

-----

Well, with that, I say to you- Have a lovely weekend. It's supposed to be fairly nice, take advantage of it.

And I end with a photo of Jill, Dana, And I. TNT babies<3.

Record Breaking Pizza Stuffing

Tonight I will take part in watching Mike attempt to break a pizza eating contest in Norton, Ma. There's this place called Downtown that on Monday's and Tuesday's they have a pizza buffet for only $7. Basically, all you can eat pizza. Well, last week, Mike ate 13 slices, and found out that the record was 15 slices. SO, today, he will attempt to eat 16. That's two whole pizzas. OHHEY FATTY! haha.

So just a minute ago, I was given a small stuffed penguin to add to my small penguin collection. I do in fact collect little penguin things. Cereal box toys, Happy Meal toys, claw machine stuffed animals, etc. I got quite excited about it, actually. I love penguin stuff.

Speaking of toys, yesterday my cousin Kim and I decided to check out every toy store we came across. And boy, let me tell you, there are quite a few toys that I want for myself. There's this rather large T-Rex that you hit a button on his back, and his eyes glow red, and he starts moving his arms and neck and head, roaring about. LOVE IT! There's also a small baby-like toy of a polar bear that growls and roars when you move his head. SO CUTE! The last one is the Jumanji board game. I didn't know they actually made one of those, and now I want it.




Job interview today. Wish me luck!

*sigh*...TGIF

This week has been long. This might not be a super pleasant post, either. Hey, I warned you.

I have been jobless since the middle of August. So, roughly 6 weeks now. Sure, in the beginning, it was fun. WOO NO WORK! Now? I'm basically dying for a job. My money has run out, my bills are overdue, and I just can't seem to find work. [Looks like I should be kicking myself in the ass for saying no to the job offering at the Walpole Hess gas station, huh? But these things happen. Whatever. I just couldn't bring myself to accept a job somewhere where I knew I would hate my life and job within a week or two.]

Mike has been great about this problem of mine. He subtly encourages my job search, and has been incredibly understanding on my lack of money problem as well. But I personally have reached the point where now I feel like it's too much. He has been paying for most things, and I feel bad about it.

I just wish I could think of something to do for him to show him how much I appreciate what he's done for me lately. I thank him, but I just don't feel that is enough.


...I miss my biff's. Jill and I talked yesterday, had a good cry together. Discussed how neither one of us sees Dana anymore, which bums us out. So much for the TNT Gang.. And the sad part is, we know why. Aadam, her boyfriend, has become more important than anything else. She doesn't even know what's going on in my life, and I don't know what's going on in hers anymore. It's rough, considering last summer we were inseparable, never spending more than a day or two apart. Then we lived together at college. And then after I dropped out after first semester, she finished out the year, and transferred to Worcester State so she could live at home, because we were too far apart. That's how close we were. Now.. nothing. Mike and I have been seeing each other since July, and we have been "official" since the end of August. Did Dana know about any of this until recently? No. Did I know she was going to the doctor's to see if she had tonsillitis? No. Do I even know anything of importance about her anymore? I don't think so. And that is SO HARD for me to handle. Jill, yes I miss her often. And we don't see each other as often as we would like. But we at least talk all the time still. Tony is in Iraq, dealing with bombs and being shot at on a daily basis, and he is there for me more than Dana is. I talk to him quite frequently, actually. Which is great, cause I miss him a lot. It's hard not having him around.



Alright, enough sad stuff!

Patch keeps growing. His neck is getting bigger than his head, and if it keeps up that way, he will have to have a harness instead of a collar. Which would be better anyways for him. We played in a field yesterday while Mike and Kevin skated in Mansfield. He is such a clumsy pup. He is going on 16 weeks old, and is just a bumbling clown in everything he does. He makes quick friends with anyone that walks by, until he chews their hand. I can't wait for him to be done teething!


I'm glad it's the weekend though. Saturday night Jill is coming down to hang out, I'm excited. And Sunday Mike and I are going to his niece's christening.

Which reminds me, I still am not sure what to wear! I have a nice looking black dress, but I'm not sure of the "rule" about wearing black to a christening. I also have a purple/burgandy dress which I suppose could be an option, but I feel it's better suited for a wedding or something. Eek I need to figure this out soon!

With that, I bid you farewell. Enjoy your weekend.

The smell of sadness in an unusual place

Another enjoyable weekend has come and gone. None of the original plans happened, which is not that out of the ordinary. Sure, I was bummed about not going into Boston to see most of my Franktown Ladies. [AKA, Molly, Earica, and Kelly] But it was an overall good weekend.

Friday night, Mike arrived at my house to pick me up. He gave me my own Bonsai Tree plant!! : ] I was very excited when he gave it to me. After I secured a place for the plant on my dresser, we headed towards Bellingham. After a few errands, we had our first real date thing. We went out to eat at TGI Friday's. I thoroughly enjoyed our date : ]

Saturday. Our original plans were to go to Six Flags with his brother and others. We decided that neither one of us could really afford to do that, so we stayed in town. We lounged around all day. We had planned on going into Boston for the afternoon, but the weather wasn't so great, so we stayed in bed and lounged about. That night, we ventured over to Nick&Chris' place. A rather enjoyable evening.

So yesterday, Sunday, was another lazy day. We hung around the house all day. Late last night though, there was quite a bit of excitement. It was around 2:30 in the morning, we were laying in bed watching part of Season Three of The Office. We heard tires squeal, and a large crash. We looked out his bedroom window and down the street at what we thought was a car in the road, just sitting there. Little did we know, the accident was legit right in front of his house, and we were looking at someone's porch light. [Trees obstructing our view made it look like headlights] Suddenly, his doorbell was rung about a dozen times. Then his mom called up to tell him there was a car on fire in front of the jeep. So, we went across the hall and looked out that window, towards the driveway. Sure enough, there was a convertible sideways in front of his jeep, on fire. What happened was, the driver of the convertible came around the corner, spun out of control, went THROUGH a telephone pole, and slowly skidded to a stop right in front of Mike's jeep. There isn't much damage to the jeep, just a little dented in the front. And luckily, the two people in the convertible were able to walk away...which I was quite surprised about, actually. This morning when we went outside, you could still smell the fire from earlier. Such an odd smell. And as odd as it sounds.. it smelled well, sad.

I have photos from previous nights at Nick&Chris', to give you a taste of what normally happens there:

Davey Robot became Chris' boyfriend after he decided he wanted to be a girl.

I carried our team most of the game, while Mike made faces.

The usuals; L to R- Ryan, Nick, Chris, Cormac, and DaveyRobot!

End.

Why Hello Blogger

I've decided to try out Blogger instead of LiveJournal for now. Providing I like this better, I'll stay. LiveJournal has gotten old for me. So let's give this a shot, shall we?

I suppose a proper introduction is due, me being new and all. Sara's the name, often known by Saran, H-Bomb, or Bartlett. The occasional SaranWrap, or SaranWrapAttack comes out, but usually only from Ms. Kelly Hayyyyynes. Just call me Sara for now though, thanks. Hm, what else shall I reveal? 19 years young. Monophobic. [If you don't know what that means- Fear of being alone. In my case, I cannot be alone more than half a day before panic sets in, and anxiety levels rise.] I hate sleeping alone, so if someone is not by my side, aka Mike, you will find me curled up with a stuffed white tiger. Hm, what else, what else? I suppose by reading my posts, you will learn about me. You may even live vicariously through me if that is your desire.. Though that might be a little weird.

I'm hoping to include at least one photo per entry, but that may not always happen. Today's photo will just be of me and the boy. Now you can put a face to the author.

H-Bomb & M.