Tegan and Sara

They make me want to dance around my room, in a tshirt and boy short undies, holding a hairbrush as my mic.

Like in the movies.




More times than not, I feel like my life could often be made into a movie. But doesn't everyone feel that way at some point? Then other times I feel like I am in a Soap Opera, there will be so much drama.


I never know truly how I am feeling. I will feel abandoned, left out, like a stranger, frustrated, and so many other things. And then, someone will say the right things, and I'll forget that I was feeling that way only moments before. How is that a bad thing, you might wonder. It's a bad thing, because it makes me question every single feeling I have. Wondering if I'm being reasonable, or throwing everything out of proportion.

I'm aching to have my own car, I want the freedom of it back. Not that I don't come and go as I please already, but with my own car, I can control exactly when I come and go. If I'm feeling trapped, I don't have to await someone else's rescue plan. I can just grab my keys and hit the road.

Next ache? My own place. I want a place that I can call home. My home. Where I don't have to feel like a stranger, or walk around on eggshells. I can leave my things around my room and not worry about them getting thrown away, or broken, or chewed on, or lost. I can watch whatever I want on TV and not worry about scaring children. I can play my music and dance around whenever I want.

I can lock my doors, shut off the lights, and go to sleep with a smile on my face, and happiness in my heart over finally finding home.






I want to look in his eyes, and have him tell me what I am to him.
I want to see him looking at me in the way he does every time we're alone, and have him tell me that he needs me too.
I want him to let me in for a change, instead of keeping me at bay.
I want him to realize I'm not going to do whatever she did to him.





I don't want someone else to disappear from my life forever.
I want to understand why he says I'm worth fighting for.
I want the movie scene in my head to play out exactly the way I imagine it to play out.


But it won't.