I don't know what to say...

but I feel better than I have felt in a while.




Sweet late night hangouts... <3

Figures.

Of all nights, last night I dream about him.

It's Christmas Eve

And the only reason I find myself in a good mood at the moment, is because of conversations I had last night. Provided great smiles from me, which was nice. I came home last night from my Aunt's party, only to find out what I had thought were my plans for the evening, actually were not happening. I was pretty bummed.

But a Mr. Andrew Knox asked me to tell him a story last night, which ended up being a rough outline of my life story, with concentrations on relationships and traumatic events. I told him things not many know about, and it felt good. And he then told me stories, trusting me with information. And after sharing stories, we just kept talking.

I tell you, it was really nice to sit and talk to someone for such a long period of time, with no awkward pauses or random breaks in conversation. It was steady, for a good two hours or so.

I haven't smiled so much in one sitting in quite a while. It was great.

Friday I have the entire day and night off. Knox and I are spending my day off together. Bunch of shenanigans, no doubt. Followed by some food and a movie and more sweet hangouts. I think perhaps for the movie, I'll see if my brother would like to go, because it's his birthday. We'll see.



But I'm telling you. I'm wondering if I'm getting the run-a-round from someone.
Time will tell.




Merry Christmas folks.

...

I don't think you are aware of what you still do to me.


I wish I weren't so nervous/scared to tell you.

Christmas is almost here

I am somewhat excited, yet still not really excited for it.

I'm excited to give people their presents and see if they like them, but I dunno. Holidays have always been kind of funny for me.


Christmas Eve will be at my Grams, and after the party I will be going to my Dad's for the night. After Christmas morning at his house, I will stop by Gram's to say Merry Christmas to her and my mom, then go home to do more Christmas stuff at Lorri and Gary's that afternoon.


Perhaps seeing my bubs that night? I can only hope.



Anyways.
Things seem to be going pretty well. We talk like normal most of the time. I am comfortable being around him again. In fact, I haven't felt this comfortable around him in a while. I feel at ease when I see him, rather than a nervous wreck. There was mention of a possible going out to dinner sometime soon last week.




Let's see how things go. I won't lie, I still have a fragment of hope. I still smile like no one else has ever made me because of him.

...making a bit of progress it seems.



: ]

stolen lines of poetry

they're not my own work. But I like them. Not on a personal level, but on just a.. "it struck me in such a way.." level.

>>Watching the sunset by myself has gotten
A little easier
But I don't think its much to be proud for.


>>I wish I could detach my retinas
To show you, you through my eyes
In hopes to change your beautiful life
Like you've changed mine

Changes

Many changes coming.

I've decided that I want to go back to school, part-time. I'm applying to Blaine, the Boston location. They offer part-time hours, so hopefully I can get in and start sometime soonish.

I'm changing things within myself as well. You'll see.




[[It's worth it to me.]]

You have no idea how much I miss you.

M.

"And you stood at the door, with your hands on my waist.
And you kissed me like you meant it.
And I knew...that you meant it."


That part of the last verse is so goddamn true about that very first night we hung out alone.